This has been a very interesting week and a half... I have been reflecting on basically everything going on in my life right now. Its almost as if someone pulled the blinders of my face and everything is flooding to me all at once. Im scared, excited, happy, sad, motivated, and a whole boxfull more of emotions. I keep thinking about the past, how good its been, how good my life was since the beginning of june. Its been a growing process for me, and I have learned a lot about myself. I've learned what love feels like, what it truly feels like. And it is the most incredible feeling. Its this feeling of, service, and passion and selflessness. I can't do it justice, I can't fully explain it. That giddy excitement, any time you know you are going to be with your love. Making every moment count, every moment engraining itself in your memory so that you can re live it over and over again. I learned how to love.
I learned that timing is so crucial in every human's life. That things are rarely accomplished in the time frame that "we" want, and that it's all in God's time. I know if I put him first, he'll take care of me. I am using my agency to give him my life. I know he is my master, and he truly loves me, when it feels that all other parts of my life are damaged and broken. I can always keep my chin up, be confident, and know that everything will all work out in time. I have a full 2 years away from this world I know now, and if I put my trust in the lord, then all the stressors of life will be sorted out. School. Work. Relationships... The biggest challenge, I've faced personally is patience. I know, that things will work out how they are meant to be. I also know, that we aren't supposed to just let life happen, we need to find a goal, and shoot for that goal. Give it everything to accomplish that goal and to make it work. So with these two concepts in my thoughts, I have been trying to apply them. To ask for guidance, to know what my father wants me to do, and then to go for it. To give it my all.
I was taking a shower today, listening to Tim Mcgraw and I was filled with thoughts and emotions of past times with someone so special to me. And that's what got me thinking about all of this.
I love life, and I still am in love. I still will be patient, and I'll still focus on what needs to be done.