COWBOY UP!

John Wayne... the man. I was thinking today about his comment, "lifes hard, its even harder if you're stupid."

Im done with all that. I've got 1 month left to have a ball, and im going to make every minute of it:)
So heres the goal, get a bunch of girls to write me... gotta love that.
I've got 3 different halloween parties to go to...
I need to read the BoM this month. front to back.
(no distractions)
write all my broha's and find out how their doing...
Get my buddy Seth back! he's my best bro ever.
Move on. ultimately. B and I broke up and I have to move on. I can't let one girl ruin my life and I just have to move forward, focus on other girls, focus on prep for the mission, and not be tied down! its fun. And honestly it feels good to be free of the ties.
Ima have some fun;)...

Because I'm still in love with you.

It's all a dream. It's been the most amazing dream I've ever had. I've fallen in love, and I've given my heart to someone. And now I'm stripped, I'm empty. Keeping my strong proud chin up while I'm dying inside, while I'm trying to tell myself, tomorrow will be all better, and I'll see my love, and she'll hold me and tell me everything will be okay. Then we'll go, with no plans and fill our day with each other. Her amazing smile, soft touch, just her. I will never deny my feelings for her. Whatever happens down this long windy road, im still in love with you. The funny stories, the family parties, the drives, walks, those nights under the stars on our golf course. It's gone. I've never been more damaged in my life. Im curious why the lord puts these people in my life, and then severs the relationships later. There's no one else. There's nothing I want other than you.
I've listened to "harvest moon" on repeat for an hour and a half because it's the only words that can touch how I'm truly feeling.
"when we were strangers, I watched you from afar,
When we were lovers, I loved you with all my heart."

A little confused, extremely optimistic...:)

I like these, they remind me of someone.

Mondays...

Mondays... gotta love them.
I spent all sunday with my lover friend, and I didnt want to go home! so I ended up getting home by 1030 and didn't really get to bed til midnight. So I woke up at 645, delirious, ready for a great day at work. Zombie mode, I showered, changed, then longboarded to work. "Work" is a cashier job at good earth. where the managers are all hypersensitive to EVERYTHING. and are all women. (I dont have a problem with women, I love one... there is just WAY too much estrogen in management.) So anyways, long day passed from 8 to 4 just standing there, checking out old people with their UTI pills, and wierd creams. So once I got done, I bounced home, feeling melancholy... I think the sky is what does that to me. And found mom teaching lessons, dad sleeping, and no one else home. So typical day. Worked out, and now just sitting here typing my boring day to whoever would like to read it. I hope my lady friend calls me tonight. She looked stunning yesterday. Im a lucky guy to have her as the sunshine in my sometimes cloudy life:)

Im an idiot.

Don't you love how you can totally lose control and take out your stress and frustration on the ones you love? I dont. Im a complete idiot, that potentially damaged my relationship with my sweetheart. I love her, and I should never, EVER, treat her poorly. She is my everything.
Im not going to get into detail or anything, I just messed up. She is a beautiful, capable, smart, funny girl who deserves more than any man can give her. Hopefully, we can fix things, but im scared I pooched it so bad. its all my fault.
anyways me, youre an idiot.
love,
me.

Recently.

(it's my dog. I just wanted a cool picture of something.)
So, I recently decided that I passionately, HATE when chicas that write blog posts using bold, italics, underlining, coloring, and all THAT GRAMMATICAL GARBAGE a.k.a. some chick named "anonymous." sorry linsey. Crap I slipped.   It gives me a migraine when I read 3 words changing fonts every line, and/or every word. I just named dropped. sorry. But it's true.
Im always wanting to change my blog scheme and mix it up, but ultimately I realized that it doesn't matter what the appearance is... just the content! So I know there are only a select few who follow my blog, so I'm going to try to make it something enjoyable and maybe even something useful to read...
 ANOTHER thing. I always just want to write about my lover. Brittani. She always. is. on. my. mind. Not in a distracting way, just in a way where I am always happy and comforted by the thought of her. She and I joke about who is the boss in the relationship, you know what, I definitely am. okay. no... I just like to think that. Im whipped. extremely... I just always want to make her happy. I could write a book on how I feel about brittani. I also feel extremely random on my writing scheme currently. Im having sporadic memories, and feelings rush through my body and I just want to get them out. Brittani is like facebook. She is addictive, and even if you put off things you should do to be with her, you're always happier, and its always a freaking blast.
I love the rain. Its raining right now. (the October night of the 4th) and I realized that fall is here. Its changing and I am so excited for this romantic season full of vibrant colors. I cannot wait for the fires up the canyon, the corn mazes, the pumpkins, Leroy at Heehaws with the massive balls... I guess he died. I hope they get another one who can compete in the manliness category. He's a stud. So falls here, its great! 
WELP, my blogs plain jane, sorry linsey... its not frilly and "fun" to read. and my life is not a fairy tale, and realistically, no ones is. So lets not fake it shall we. So anytime I go on a date with my girl, Im not going to go into every emotion or things that happened... making out, is well, making out. not an extravagant slow passionate kiss, that is intimate and full of sexual emotion. I dunno. I just get a kick out of these fairy tale blogs 15 year old girls read that get a weird rise out of them. So if you're looking for that, heres this... www.linseymariebrown.blogspot.com. My blog is blunt. and beautiful... like a black woman. anyways... Peace out!!